Winning

Most of us have probably heard-at least once in our lives-this phrase: Stick with the winners. Although the phrase itself is pretty cliche, there is tremendous truth in those words. Tremendous truth. Associating ourselves with people who know how to succeed greatly increases our chances of being successful, too. Winners are easy to find, they are the people who succeed in accomplishing goals and aspire to do better, they are driven and motivated. 

In my life, I've met many people who are winners, people who inspire me to succeed. There are all kinds of winners, too. I've met winners who have inspired me to be a better mother, winners who inspire me to work my ass off, winners who inspire me to fine tune certain skills I have or to pursue my education to a higher degree. For me, there is one kind of specific winner I have started to look for in my life. I'm living in recovery now and because I'm an addict in recovery, I desperately need to keep my recovery first and foremost in my life. If I don't make my recovery the most important thing in my day to day life, I can easily lose everything I have. Recovery has given me everything good I have up to this point and therefore, I owe everything to recovery. Recovery HAS TO BE a very big deal-the biggest-so I look for those who win at recovery.

Those winners are a big part of the reason I'm here today, alive, kicking and recovering. A winner is somebody who really works on their recovery. They are the people who can show up and do the hard work, they work actively with their sponsors, they don't live in the problem, but rather, in the solution and they are always there to reach out hands of help to those who are struggling. The winners stay positive no matter what. That doesn't mean they never go through hard times or experience negative emotions, but when they do, they reach out to others, they share where they are openly and willingly. They stay clean no matter what.

Today I know that I can be a winner. It's all up to me. I just have to show up and do the work that lies nearest to me: the work on myself, work on my recovery and the work that helps others around me. I work on staying in the present, knowing that if I do, I will have all the time and ability in the world to do everything.

Today I know that my misery is completely optional. When I was in active addiction, I was stuck in my misery and I wanted to pull other people into it with me but today, I'm clean and I know that if I'm miserable, it only because I want to be. I have so much to be grateful for and when I focus on that, my misery dissipates. With recovery at the center of my life, anything is possible for me. I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to and I can also get through anything, no matter how difficult it may be.

I love to remind myself that today I have a choice. I may not always embody all the winning traits I wish I had but the fact is, I can always be a winner if I want to be one. So today, it's my choice to win. Today I am clean and I will show up, I will reach out, I will lend my help to somebody who is struggling and I will do the work that lies nearest to me. Today I know that anything is possible, that I can do this. Today, I choose to WIN.

Embracing Faith

For most of my life, I think I was almost constantly running from fear. I was fearful of fear itself. I spent so much time trying to get away from that feeling and almost never could I escape it. A lot of my using stemmed from the fact that I was absolutely terrified of feeling pain of any kind and probably even more terrified of feeling or experiencing any kind of emotion. I was afraid of having contact with people because I didn't want to face the judgement I was so sure they would pass upon me. I was afraid of what they'd think of me and afraid for them to look down on me. I was afraid of the possibility that they might attempt to tell me something about myself. I was not able to handle truth of any kind.

In finding recovery, I began to see a wonderful truth I never knew before: my fear was being replaced by faith-faith in a power greater than myself, faith in what the 12 steps could do for me, faith in the strength and love found in other recovering addicts. As my faith has been cultivated and has spread through my life, I have found a deep belief that miracles DO happen and I have started to be able to clearly see miracles in my life often. I also began to realize the miracle of seeing myself in a different light for the first time. I have started to see myself in a new light, to LIKE myself, to understand that I have a heart and a spirit and that I WANT to develop and grow those as I learn to grow and change in recovery. I have seen myself begin to become a kinder, more considerate person; a person who looks to show love to others and brighten the world.

I have started to see spiritual principles grow in my life and those qualities have started to erase the fear in my life. I can see that with showing kindness and love to others, I do not have to fear their treatment of me! As I exercise patience, tolerance, understanding and compassion, I in turn, experience that from others.

I know without a single doubt that this goodness comes only from developing a relationship with a power greater than myself. I can allow my Higher Power to work through me. I am an instrument for spiritual principles if I allow myself to be that. Herein lies the beauty of the words, "We came to believe..." It implies a process, something that takes time and effort. As we put our effort into it, we see the results that time brings. I have seen it for myself. I have never been disappointed. Never. 

Today, I don't run from fear. No, today, I hold my head high in the faith of what life holds for me and the person I am becoming through my Higher Power working in my life. No matter what happens to me today, I am walking forward in faith and fear is now behind me.

Unconditional Love

I believe that exchanging love is at the core-the very heart-of our existence as human beings. Love is what connects us to the people around us. Addiction deprives us of that connection. It literally TRAPS us within ourselves, shutting us out and locking us away from everyone and everything.

I have found so much love in connecting with other recovering addicts. Love I never knew existed. It literally breaks down the walls that kept me imprisoned for so long. By being open and willing to receive love from others in recovery, I have discovered for the very first time in my life what love is and even more importantly, what love can do! I have listened to others in recovery talk about sharing love and I can see and FEEL all that it adds to their lives. 

As an addict for so many years, I became a very self-centered person. I shut others out to a severe degree. I became resentful and hostile, viewing the world and all the people in it as if they were "out to get me." My addiction prevented me from being able to show love to or feel love for others. What may be even worse is that it prevented me from being able to RECEIVE love from others. I did not see myself as worthy or deserving of love of any kind and with my addiction shutting off my emotions and causing me to feel so poorly about myself, I was shut out from being able to receive love from anybody.

Seeing and feeling what love did for the other recovering addicts with whom I came into contact, I actually started to cautiously believe that if the giving and receiving of love could do so much for others, that maybe, just maybe, it could bring some substance to my life too. Feeling and receiving true unconditional love for what felt like maybe the first time in my life, I could feel myself on the brink of an amazing discovery that would change my life forever. Subsequently, I could also feel in my heart that I could never get to the point where I would be able to grasp the full significance of love if I did not learn to give my own love away. Experiencing the joy that giving and receiving love brings, I was able to finally uncover the missing link between me and the world.

Today, I have found the truth shining clear in the words I heard: "We can only keep what we have by giving it away." Today, life is a new and fresh landscape for me and LOVE is the tool I use to navigate that. Today I am learning to love unconditionally. Today, I will freely give of the love that was so freely given to me.