Embracing Faith

For most of my life, I think I was almost constantly running from fear. I was fearful of fear itself. I spent so much time trying to get away from that feeling and almost never could I escape it. A lot of my using stemmed from the fact that I was absolutely terrified of feeling pain of any kind and probably even more terrified of feeling or experiencing any kind of emotion. I was afraid of having contact with people because I didn't want to face the judgement I was so sure they would pass upon me. I was afraid of what they'd think of me and afraid for them to look down on me. I was afraid of the possibility that they might attempt to tell me something about myself. I was not able to handle truth of any kind.

In finding recovery, I began to see a wonderful truth I never knew before: my fear was being replaced by faith-faith in a power greater than myself, faith in what the 12 steps could do for me, faith in the strength and love found in other recovering addicts. As my faith has been cultivated and has spread through my life, I have found a deep belief that miracles DO happen and I have started to be able to clearly see miracles in my life often. I also began to realize the miracle of seeing myself in a different light for the first time. I have started to see myself in a new light, to LIKE myself, to understand that I have a heart and a spirit and that I WANT to develop and grow those as I learn to grow and change in recovery. I have seen myself begin to become a kinder, more considerate person; a person who looks to show love to others and brighten the world.

I have started to see spiritual principles grow in my life and those qualities have started to erase the fear in my life. I can see that with showing kindness and love to others, I do not have to fear their treatment of me! As I exercise patience, tolerance, understanding and compassion, I in turn, experience that from others.

I know without a single doubt that this goodness comes only from developing a relationship with a power greater than myself. I can allow my Higher Power to work through me. I am an instrument for spiritual principles if I allow myself to be that. Herein lies the beauty of the words, "We came to believe..." It implies a process, something that takes time and effort. As we put our effort into it, we see the results that time brings. I have seen it for myself. I have never been disappointed. Never. 

Today, I don't run from fear. No, today, I hold my head high in the faith of what life holds for me and the person I am becoming through my Higher Power working in my life. No matter what happens to me today, I am walking forward in faith and fear is now behind me.